This medical scheduler almost got more than she asked for

 

Honestly, I didn’t mean to start anything. I was just answering her long litany of personal questions – in an all-too public setting. Does this stuff only happen to me?

 Standing in front of just one of several Plexiglas-fronted cubicles, I tried to respond as briefly and accurately as possible, as the medical scheduler seated on the other side of the transparent shield filled out the required paperwork to set up yet another exploratory test for me. 

Reaching the end of her list of queries, she looked up at me and asked, “Do you have any problems?”

 

I paused, just for a moment. Then I replied, “Oh, honey. Where do I start?”

 She gave me a blank stare.

 Then she rephrased the question. “Do you have any problems related to this particular procedure?”

 Maybe she should have led with that.

 I grinned at her. “I bet you get that all the time,” I said.

 “Nope,” she answered.

 We wrapped up the details without many more words. That’s probably not a bad thing.

 

Image/s: Adapted from public domain artwork

 

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Phone scam: Cops don’t announce your arrest in a text.

Hello, random smart phone user. Guess what. The cops are after you. Really?

What do you do, if you suddenly receive an ominous-sounding text message, apparently informing you that you will soon be apprehended by the police? 

Wait. Let’s clarify that.

What if you receive such a shocking message, and you have not actually committed a crime?

This happened to me recently.

At first, I did a double-take. I admit it. Then I plunked the first line of the mysterious text message into an internet search bar and found a long list of scam reports.

This rather prevalent sort of message usually goes something like this:

“________ get expired after that you will be taken into custody by the local cops as there are ___ serious allegations pressed on your name at this moment we would request you to get back to us so that we can discuss about this case before taking any legal action against you the number to reach us is 555-555-5555 I repeat 555-555-5555 thank you.”

Whew! Can you say, “run-on sentence”? And has anyone ever heard of punctuation or capitalization? And what about redundant phrasing? The grammarian in me is dying over this one.

It’s not exactly delightful. In fact, it’s far from it. But something is definitely amiss. And it’s not my legal record – or yours. 

And at least in my town, the police are much more likely to come a-knocking than a-texting, if they have grounds for picking up a criminal.

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Awkward address or missionary mishap?

This story bears telling, both for humor and for the presumptive emphasis on the importance of precise language. And, because today happens to be a Sunday in the middle of back-to-school season, this seems particularly apt.

Here’s what happened.

A young American couple, fresh out of Christian theological seminary, was headed to the mission field. They completed their board applications, passed all their interviews and raised the required monthly support.

Assigned to a Latin American country, they brushed up on their Spanish language studies.

Finally, they were ready to go.

Eager and ready, they arrived at their host church, where the pastor and his wife greeted them wholeheartedly by inviting them into their own home for a lovely meal and evening of fellowship. Several long-time church members were there to welcome them as well.

The following day, the young missionary was asked to speak to the congregation, who would be assisting him with the mission outreach.

Straightening his freshly pressed collar and picking up his favorite Bible and well-rehearsed sermon notes, the young clergyman stepped up to the microphone at the front of the crowded auditorium. As a special courtesy, one of the church elders stood with him, in case he required translation help.

The fledgling minister cleared his throat and began.

First, he asked his lovely young wife to join him on the podium, so the people could become familiar with her.

“Antes de comenzar a predicar, quiero ofrecer mi esposa maravillosa la oportunidad de decir unas palabras,” said the young missionary.

(Translated into English, this means: “Before I begin to preach, I would like to offer my wonderful wife an opportunity to say a few words.”)

Expressing gratitude to the host minister for his hearty hospitality, she said, “Estoy embarazada y es el pastor de la culpa.”

The congregation suddenly roared with laughter. The young and demure missionary wife turned to the elder in confusion. “¿Fue algo que dije?” she asked in bewilderment.

(Translated into English, this means: “Was it something I said?”)

Wiping tears from his eyes, the faithful elder quietly explained the faux pas.

“In Spanish,” he whispered, “’Embarazada’ does not mean ‘embarrassed,’ as in English. It means ‘pregnant.’ You have just explained to the entire congregation that you are with child, and that our pastor is responsible.”

Oops!

Perhaps that was not exactly what the welcoming congregation was expecting.

.Image/s:

Adapted by this user

from public domain art

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