Holiday shopping gone bad: My worst holiday gifts from A-Z

What are the worst holiday gifts you have ever received? I’ve gotten some doozies! Bet you have too.

Sure, it’s the thought that counts.

I’m touched that people actually remember me during the holiday season. I’m truly grateful to be loved, especially at Christmastime. And I truly appreciate the thought, effort, and even expense that go behind every gift.

Having said that, here are the worst gifts I ever received, from A to Z. I hope this will prevent others from purchasing or receiving similar items. (Please consider the spirit in which this is intended, just for fun.)

Anything from Hot Topic. What am I, Goth Mom?

Bird claw. My brother hunts. He dried the claw, drilled a hole through the stump and made me a key ring. Eek!

Cupid socks. Gee, which holiday is it, again?

Dishwashing soap. Seriously! Where is the Grinch when we need him?

Electric shaver. Is there a message here?

Frog growing kit. What!?!

Glitter art kit: Ever tried to vacuum up glitter?

Halloween decorations. Has someone been shopping a post-holiday closeout sale?

Ice cream maker. Who’s gonna churn it?

Jump rope. I have enough bouncing parts without this!

Kite. What am I, 12?

Lava lamp. Are you trying to give me 60’s flashbacks?

Musical duck. As if last year’s singing bass wasn’t bad enough!

Nose-hair trimmers. Even Grandpa wouldn’t take ‘em.

Owl (plastic). What a hoot. Who knew?

Pink polka dot leggings (for a grown woman). Who do they think I am, Miss Piggy?

Quilted potholders. Get real. By Christmas, my baking days are over for at least a month. Besides, we’re still recycling last year’s fruitcake.

Recipes. What am I, taking orders? This was not a recipe file or book, just certain recipes the giver wanted me to make. (Aha!)

Spider. OK, it was rubber, but it still creeped me out!

ThighMaster. Was this a not-so-subtle hint, or what?

Underwear. We’re not talking lovely lingerie here, but basic tidy whitey undies. Even long-johns would go over better.

Vacuum cleaner. Sure, that’s romantic!

Wicked widgets. A chocolate fountain, s’mores maker, pasta-puller and fajita machine are simply space-takers after the first use. And would someone please explain why the same person gave me toasters, five years in a row?

eXtravagant regifting. Certain family members tend to overfill gift bags with oddly assorted items that clearly came from their students or staffers. We’re talking "A+ Teacher" apple ornaments, dollar-store bath items, hokey notepapers, cutesy socks and more.

Yachting magazine. Pretty pictures, but I don’t think a schooner and sailing lessons were included in the gift.

Zilch. Yep, believe it or not, some people never remember. Not even a card. Gee, did I forget them this year too?

That about sums it up for my worst holiday gifts from A to Z.

Please don’t tell my family or friends, just in case they have already wrapped some of these items and placed them under my tree! When I tell them I love their gifts, I don’t wanna be  busted!

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Sometimes kids’ mistaken words make more sense than the real ones.

Let’s call it practically portmanteau. What is it?

OK, portmanteau combines two real words to make a new one. The word portmanteau actually means “suitcase” in French. It occurs when a couple of words are packed together.

Additional examples include bionic (biological + electronic), brunch (breakfast + lunch), simulcast (simultaneous + broadcast), smog (smoke + fog), and televangelist (television + evangelist).

Often, catching cultural buzzwords arise as portmanteau words. Chillaxing (chilling + relaxing), emoticon (emotion + icon), and ginormous (gigantic + enormous) demonstrate this phenomena.

Still, the most spot-on versions of portmanteau often seem to pop up in kids’ mistaken words.

Maybe you know some children who have unwittingly created their own long-lasting verbages (at least in family usage), simply by mixing up words they think they have heard adults say.

In our family, we have a few of these intriguing terms, which have lasted for generations.

1. Funderworks – These are the explosive displays the older members of the family set off on the Fourth of July.
2. Kneel socks – This term relates to any stretch stockings that extend all the way up to the knee.
3. Meat love – This tried-and-true family recipe features ground beef and certain secret ingredients, fashioned into a loaf and topped with ketchup – tons of ketchup.
4. Place maps – This word started with the use of those handy laminated world and USA maps for individual place settings at the family dinner table. The term caught on and has since referred to any sort of place mat, whether it features a map or not.

What wonderful mistaken words has your family added to its own vernacular? And what stories or memories do such terms recall?

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How do you want that flu shot?

Flu shots don’t hurt much – hardly at all. Or so they say. But this makes me wonder a bit.

What’s up with Walgreens and flu shots this time?

Who uses a hammer to administer flu shots? I thought the standard practice was a fine-gauge needle.

Seriously, I’d rather have the standard injection, rather than the Arm & Hammer variety to fend off the flu. Wouldn’t you?

And why would anyone want to BOGO with flu shots? Is it some sort of influenza prevention date night deal?

“Hey, baby. Let’s go get flu shots. Sure beats a movie.”

What!?!

I got my flu shot at Target, as I have for the past few years. It didn’t even sting.

And don’t get us started on “Natures Bounty” – with or without an apostrophe.

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Wringing my hands, as the university hangs us all out to dry

Maybe I’m a concerned parent sometimes. But this time, I’m just finding the situation a little funny and weird at the same time.

Last weekend, during Parents’ Weekend at the university, I stepped out of my kid’s dorm room to use the facilities (so to speak).

That’s where the trouble began – if you can even call it that.

I’m a habitual hand washer. (Shouldn’t everyone be a hand washer?) As I scrubbed my soapy palms together, I looked up and saw this sign.

Naturally, I began looking around for the paper towel dispenser. But this was all I found.

What!?!

Looks like a little false advertising to me …

I’m not even complaining that the college couldn’t spring for real paper towels – now that they hold most of my money.

Just thinkin’ something’s a little amiss here.

 

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