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Marital dispute sends willing hubs from the yammer to the slammer?

Most people would rather get out of jail than in. But then, most folks aren’t Lawrence John Ripple of Kansas. Several major news outlets, including the Associated Press and Reuters, have reported details of the incident, which occurred this week.

Here’s the short version:

Apparently, Ripple opted for a trip to the joint, once pushed to the point. During a brig (I mean, big) argument with his wife, the 70-year-old claims he told her he’d rather go to jail than stay with such travail. (We have to wonder: Will she post his bail?)

Instead of sticking it out at home, Ripple supposedly held a stickup at a local bank. Reportedly, he handed a teller a note, saying he had a gun. No one seems to know if he actually possessed a firearm – or if he was loaded (or if he had a gun that was loaded).

Perhaps Ripple just had a pen. Or he wanted a trip to the pen.

Well, you know.

Anyway, the bank employee is said to have handed the guy a few grand.

Next, the hapless hubby cooled his heels at the bank, waiting for the police to arrest him and take him to the cooler, so to speak. He seems to have told the cops he’d opt for a trip to the big house over a trip home to his spouse.

You might say he felt so contested that he went and got himself arrested.

Last we heard, the guy was in the pound. No one is saying whether he used his one phone call. But we are willing to bet we know who he did not call.

Cue the ripple of protest here. Or not.

Maybe Ripple will sign a waiver or get out early for good behavior. Either way, he’s not likely to curry any favor with the Missus. (Maybe he already forgave her for whatever it was.)

Is there a moral to this story?

The lockup is no place to sleight home about.

William Shakespeare (1564-1616) has been cited as saying, “People usually are happiest at home.” Maybe Ripple would beg to differ.

Adapted by this user
from widely circulated Wyandotte County Detention Center press photo
fair use

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Awkward address or missionary mishap?

This story bears telling, both for humor and for the presumptive emphasis on the importance of precise language. And, because today happens to be a Sunday in the middle of back-to-school season, this seems particularly apt.

Here’s what happened.

A young American couple, fresh out of Christian theological seminary, was headed to the mission field. They completed their board applications, passed all their interviews and raised the required monthly support.

Assigned to a Latin American country, they brushed up on their Spanish language studies.

Finally, they were ready to go.

Eager and ready, they arrived at their host church, where the pastor and his wife greeted them wholeheartedly by inviting them into their own home for a lovely meal and evening of fellowship. Several long-time church members were there to welcome them as well.

The following day, the young missionary was asked to speak to the congregation, who would be assisting him with the mission outreach.

Straightening his freshly pressed collar and picking up his favorite Bible and well-rehearsed sermon notes, the young clergyman stepped up to the microphone at the front of the crowded auditorium. As a special courtesy, one of the church elders stood with him, in case he required translation help.

The fledgling minister cleared his throat and began.

First, he asked his lovely young wife to join him on the podium, so the people could become familiar with her.

“Antes de comenzar a predicar, quiero ofrecer mi esposa maravillosa la oportunidad de decir unas palabras,” said the young missionary.

(Translated into English, this means: “Before I begin to preach, I would like to offer my wonderful wife an opportunity to say a few words.”)

Expressing gratitude to the host minister for his hearty hospitality, she said, “Estoy embarazada y es el pastor de la culpa.”

The congregation suddenly roared with laughter. The young and demure missionary wife turned to the elder in confusion. “¿Fue algo que dije?” she asked in bewilderment.

(Translated into English, this means: “Was it something I said?”)

Wiping tears from his eyes, the faithful elder quietly explained the faux pas.

“In Spanish,” he whispered, “’Embarazada’ does not mean ‘embarrassed,’ as in English. It means ‘pregnant.’ You have just explained to the entire congregation that you are with child, and that our pastor is responsible.”


Perhaps that was not exactly what the welcoming congregation was expecting.

Adapted by this user
from public domain art

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