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Did holiday parade goody-tossers miss the boat?

A local community parade stepped off this past weekend, and folks fairly floated with excitement. This particular procession is popular in these parts, largely because of the prodigious amounts of candy and prizes the participants throw to spectators.

Sure, parade-goers love the color guards, marching bands, antique cars, and fancy floats. But freebies are a perennial crowd-pleaser.

Predictably, the politicians and their entourages glad-handed the public and handed out stickers and tiny American flags. Passengers on a tavern float bombarded onlookers with beer can Koozies. The car wash owners pitched tiny pop-up expandable sponges. People on the bank’s float pelted the crowd with logo-imprinted pencils.

Sometimes, well-planned parade giveaways make plenty of sense, particularly from a publicity viewpoint.

This year, however, something didn’t feel quite right about all these parade freebies.

  • The refrigeration company promoters distributed lollipops. Wouldn’t popsicles have made more sense?
  • The librarians distributed printed bookmarks. OK, that’s a lot better than Nerds. (Hey, I was a librarian for a spell!)
  • The garbage truck driver chucked candy, which people eagerly grabbed. Does anybody else find this a little hard to swallow? Maybe he should have stocked his truck cab with barf bags instead.
  • The weight loss clinic staffers gave out Jelly Belly candies. OK, that’s funny.
  • The pet store crew tossed Tootsie Rolls. That’s just plain wrong. Why not dog biscuits?
  • The Roto Rooter float offered Hershey's Chocolate Kisses. On a hot summer day, the irony was hard to miss.
  • The tutoring center threw Dum Dum suckers to the crowd. Wouldn’t Smarties have been a wiser choice?
  • And the brand-new vape shop parade walkers doled out discount coupons. Is it just me, or does anyone else think they might have scored big by including Airheads?

What was the most clever goody toss of the entire parade?

My parade-watching pals and I chuckled the most when the kids on the 4-H float showered onlookers with Jolly Ranchers. Smart kids.

Parade Marching Band
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