What’s the hottest item on your Christmas list this year? Ask a winter gear retailer, and you might hear about Lust Insulated Pants.
Whoa! What’s that? Lust Insulated Pants?
That’s right. You can find these crazy clothes at such outfitters as BackCountry.com, Christy Sports, DogFunk, Evo.com, REI, Summit Online, and others.
Available in flashy plaids for men and women, Lust Insulated Pants retail for approximately $100-$200, depending on special sale offers. The ads claim the breathable synthetic pants have articulated knees.
It appears Lust Insulated Pants are for snowboarding, but we have to wonder.
This fashion-forward (or is it?) item raises all sorts of intriguing questions. Some of the ads call them "Reserved Lust," but we've never known lust to be reserved, so our ponderings are plentiful.
- Do these high-tech trousers keep prurient passions in, or do they fend them off? (Gotta wonder.)
- Are they insulated with lust, or from lust? (Heaven, help us.)
- How do Lust Insulated Pants even work? (Pass the brain bleach.)
- Do these carnal clothes keep wearers’ libido in check? (Don’t wanna know.)
- Where do the manufacturers even procure the lust with which they insulate their pants? (Hold that thought.)
- Do Lust Insulated Pants stop salaciousness in its tracks by their fabric contents, their bulky appearance, or is the secret something else altogether? (Don’t answer that, either.)
- Could Lust Insulated Pants act as a sort of tin foil hat for the lower regions – or perhaps like the chastity belt of olden times? (C’mon, that’s an obvious puzzle for anyone.)
- Against what sorts of mishaps are Lust Insulated Pants warranted for one year? (Yep, you guessed it. Don’t answer that one, either.)
- Should we buy these sporty slacks for our daughters this holiday season, or for their boyfriends? (This one, we've gotta know.)
- Whatever happened to the good, old-fashioned union suit? (Hey, if it's good enough for Santa...)
Intriguingly, the product number reads 686. Hey, folks, is that a typo? Shouldn’t it be 666?
Who has a hankering for a pair of Lust Insulated Pants this Christmas?
Lust Insulated Pants
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