Vomiting is uncomfortable and gross, but it’s also considered foul play, if you’re riding in a taxi in the Land of Lincoln. Those who spew will pay their due.
Did you hear that?
Effective July 1, Chicago cab drivers are legally allowed to charge puking passengers extra for blowing chunks in their cabs.
The new legislation, passed by the City’s Business Affairs and Consumer Protection Division, permits a cabbie to require a de-fooded fare to come up with a $50 Vomit Clean-Up Fee.
Years ago, my brother drove a Chicago taxi. He still regales us with tales of regurgitation. At last, the tables have been turned, so to speak.
Maybe it’s time for a few guidelines for cookie-tossing taxicab passengers.
Top 12 rules for vomiting taxi riders
- If you sell the Buick in a Chicago taxi, you’ll have to pay the checkered cab.
- Don’t chuck the chowder in a Windy City cab.
- Finish dialing the porcelain phone before calling a cab in the Second City.
- Reverse peristalsis leads to increased cab fares that’s make anyone retch.
- If you feel the need to bow to the porcelain god, don’t hail a cab first, at least not in the Land of Lincoln.
- Never call a cab, if you really need to call Earl, Huey, or O’Rourke in Chi-Town.
- Be sure to down the Dramamine before the meter starts running in the Loop.
- Flash the hash in an Illinois cab, and you’ll have to flash the cash.
- Go ahead and spill your guts to a shrink, or even a bartender, but not your Chicago cab driver.
- Don’t do the technical yawn in a taxi in that Toddlin’ Town, unless you’re packing a wad of cash.
- Cough up your lunch in a cab in the City of Big Shoulders, and you’ll have to cough up plenty of extra change.
- Most of all, if you’re under the weather, don’t say these three familiar words to your Chicago cabby: “Step on it.”
He just might. And if he does, it’ll cost you $50. That’s enough to make anyone york, which might be OK in New York, but not in the Windy City.
Honestly, I could go on “ad nauseum,” but for queasy taxi riders in the City by the Lake, it wouldn’t be fair.
Sweet Home Chicago. Gotta love it. Just don’t bring it up for a vote, dropping the sidewalk pizza, while riding in a cab in My Kind of Town.
Green Around the Gills
Chicago Taxi by Oliver Aumage
Creative Commons Licensing/Wikipedia Commons Photos
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