Facelift Bungee may be a stretch

Here’s a new wrinkle on avoiding aging.

Want a smooth movie-star face? Who doesn't?

Kimberly Aschauer, of Boca Raton, Florida, found a way to lift her countenance for her son’s wedding a couple of years ago.

She considered cosmetic surgery, but found the costs too steep. So she braided up a few locks of her long blonde hair, beginning at her temples. Then she pulled the braids back along both sides of her head, and fastened them with a bungee-like contraption.

Voila! Instant facelift.

Now Aschauer is marketing the Facelift Bungee for $24.99. It’s a stretchy elastic band with a tiny comb on each end, packaged in a little jar that looks like those containing anti-aging potions.

Users must have medium-length hair, long enough to braid, to use the Facelift Bungee, which comes in both nude and black.

The Florida woman claims her Facelift Bungee takes 10 years off a woman’s (or even a man’s) life in 10 minutes with no surgery or botox. (How long does it take you to make a couple of braids, honey?)

With patent pending, Aschauer’s Facelift Bungee is now available online and in several high-end hair salons and spas, particularly in Florida, the human raisin state. (You know, where folks go to grow darker and more shriveled.)

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Aschauer claims her Facelift Bungee is painless.

Having endured headbands, snug updos, and cinched ponytails, I beg to differ.

The Facelift Bungee may have Aschauer in a tight spot.

OK, so there may be a patent tug-of-war with Kelly Heyniger, a South Miami Beach socialite, who apparently claims to have created a similar product. It sounds like something of a snarl, as attorneys are trying to untangle the truth about the Facelift Bungee.

Do high hairstyles offer instant facelifts?

Still, the Boca Raton inventor is pulling in plenty of attention with her product.

Daytime TV talk shows and radio features are picking up the trail, featuring the allegedly instant facial rejuvenation product.

“I get up, brush my teeth, and pop my bungee in,” Aschauer told ABC TV. “It’s that simple.”

Maybe she’s onto something there.

Do up-tight hairstyles crank away wrinkles and make faces appear younger?

How many of us have made really tight ponytails, French braids, or corn rows and noticed how such styles pulled up forehead wrinkles and crow’s feet on our faces?

Maybe so, but how long can we hold such hairstyles without headaches?

Remember the old “Mommy, my pigtails are too tight” joke?

Does it work?

Here’s how that might feel.

Take both your hands, right now. Place one palm on each side of your face, sort of like Macauley Culkin in the famous shaving scene in 1990’s Home Alone, only a bit higher. Now, slide your hands backward, as far as you can stand.

Got it?

Voila! Instant facelift, and it’s free!

OK, I admit it. The “Home Alone” facelift isn’t a hands-free operation like the Facelift Bungee.

Take a look at the Facelift Bungee. See for yourself:

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Whiz-bang. Just add a pair of Spanx, and you can be elastically enhanced at both ends.

Goodbye, Father Time.

"Mr. DeMille. I'm ready for my close-up."

But here’s a caveat. If you should spot anyone wearing a Facelift Bungee, duck, and take cover. We can only imagine what might happen, if that bungee should let go.

Image/s:

Women’s Faces

Creative Commons/Wikipedia Commons Photos

Macauley Culkin in Home Alone

Hughes Entertainment/20^th Century Fox

Video Still

Fair Use Photo

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